All the right moves

Life is funny isnt it? How certain moments can change everything. How dreams become truth, but always come with a price.
I havent been writing for a long time. And somehow explaining about all that has happend in the last 4 months is incredibly hard. And scary this time since it is my first blog in english.. So sorry for my errors! Anyways.. I tried often to start writing, and I have lots of "almost made it blogs". This still doesnt explain it fully. I ended my last blog with the words that 2018 would be a year where happy and sad are going to be very close towards each other. Joy and pain.. But that 2017 prepared me for that. I never ever could have thought how true these words would be.. Already just in the first month of this year. And now we are already in may.. This is going to be a long one, and I still feel it doesnt cover even a quarter of it..

Me as a young girl.. I was a horse addict ever since I can remember. I loved them, and I wanted to be around them. I had lots of posters of ponies on my wall, mostly arabians. I didnt want barbies, i wanted ponies. I even had an old saddle in my room, my grandfather gave it to me. I could sit on it and imagend myself riding a horse.

When I was about 10 I placed an add in a local magazine of the local magazinge in town. Asking if there was anyone who had a horse and needed someone to come and brush their pony, maybe ride. Doortje was my awnser. An old amazing welsh mare who I brushed for ages. After a while the owners even allowed me to ride her alone. And for a girl who always rode in riding schools, riding a pony alone without supervision was a huge thing!

When Doortje became ill the owners told me I could start riding Dancer.. A beautifull arabian gelding. A horsey girl like me this was the ultimate thing. Riding an arabian pony and treating it as it was my own. For my parents it must have been a huge relieve, cause finally i wouldnt complain anymore about buying me a horse. I had my Dannyboy. I didnt want any other horse, he was it! I could sit in the paddock for ages.. Just being there mostly was already enough.

When I was 12 lord of the rings became my dream. No, not being an elve ;) I saw Gandalf riding on this white horse through valleys surrounded by snowy mountains.. So I wrote down in my teenager dairy that my biggest dream was to gallop on an arabian horse in New Zealand. That was the goal. And I could see myself galloping on Danny right there in New Zealand.. Combining the dream.

Untill I was 19 I kept being around pretty dannyboy. But I had to stop.. And it was one of the worst decisions to take. Leaving him behind.. The things we've done, all the lessons he tought me. All our memories and his never ending patience for sillyclumbsy me. Yes, leaving him was one of the hardest things i've done.

For about 1,5 years I was barely around horses. And thinking about that, I dont even know how I did that. Horses for me are a basic need. It sounds ridicoulus, but wanting to cuddle, brush or ride a horse being a 5 year old girl: how do you explain that? No parents or sister who were around horses. I have no clue how that need to be around them got there. But it was there. And it never left.

So after 1,5 years of rehab from pretty Danny my mum (mums always know Whats best i guess;)) showed me an add on internet. A lady who didnt wanted someone to train her 'sports' horse or asked ridicoulus amount of money.. But just wanted someone to brush, maybe ride, her horse on a flexibel note. I was a student after all with changing school rosters, a parttime job and little money.. So I emailed and with a lot of stress I met Maaike with her pretty big lady Wanou. Me thinking I could never find a horse I could just be around with without stupid money or needing to be there with a strict training scheduel. Her thinking she couldnt find anyone who just wanted to spend time with Wanou so Wanou could have some extra attention from someone else besides herself. But we met, and I am so happy we did!!

Sweet Wanou who again thought me so much. And amazing Maaike who showed me different ways than the normal dressage way. I didn't ride much with Wanou since she got a severe injury soon after I started to finally know her. But we walked many hours together; being around her, around the stables was already enough.

But the dream of travelling.. Exploring, seeing, breathing stayed. When I was 14 my parents thought about, after a 3 week holiday, moving to Canada. It wasnt NZ. But seeing the rockies in reallife triggert my dream even more.. I wanted to go. That was an adventure I didnt wanted to miss. Obviously we didnt go, but my feeling of exploring stayed.

When I graduated, doing my thesis ofcorse about Equine therapy, it was time to fly. I graduated and went shopping with my mum a month later. We went into this outdoor store to just have a look, nothing serious cause as Libra me I was still doubting about where to go. Lots of options. We walked in and looked at the backpacks and a salesguy walkes over asking us if we need help. 'No, we are just having a look!', 'cool', he said 'you are going on a backpacking trip?'. I replied saying I wasnt sure where to go yet but I had options and I would go forsure. 'Wich country are you thinking about?' he asked.. 'Maybe New Zealand' I said. And thats how I met the "New Zealand Sparkle"! If you meet someone who has been in New Zealand you'll probably see it.. That little twinkle in their eyes. And this salesguy didnt even had to sell anymore, him talking about NZ was enough. With his true passion for NZ, all his stories about the country.. I bought my bigredbackpackmonster. The most important thing you have travelling. And I walked out of the store knowing that it would be New Zealand.

Yes, the dream of galloping on an arabian horse was still there. But going from 12 to 24 made me more realistic. So my goal was to just at least ride A horse only once..

The 4th of december I left. I arrived at Debbie's place. With a warm big hug she welcomed me into New Zealand and into her home. Not a "house", but an amazing property with 3 horses where she practiced Equine Therapy. I feel fortunated I got to meet her and learned heaps from her. It was back to basic and it was lovely. She even took me for a ride.. Galopping on a black beach, I reached my goal! But I did secretly thought straight away.. That I wanted more. More riding.. More thrills of that canter, more sightseeings of the country on horseback.

Isnt it funny how the mind works? Or how certain steps, that seem to be so small, lead you into things you never could have imagined doing.
I hate breaking a promise. But being in Kaikoura, at a new helpx job, I got homesick for the first time. The place wasnt mine to be at. After a lot of internal dicussions with myself and advice from my family I left very quick after arriving. And because of that.. I emailed Trevor from Cosy Dell Arabians via helpx. And he replied.

About 3,5 weeks later I arrived in Waimumu. I arrived at a place there they breed Arabian horses. One of them Trevor rode in Lord of the Rings..
So I changed my plan. Not 6 months in New Zealand. But I would come back after 2 months of Holland summer. And so I did. Coming back in New Zealand and I spended another 5 months at Cosy Dell Arabians. A place that so quickly became home to me. Where I got another nonrelated family. Learning so much from Trevor about the horses.

After leaving Danny I thought that a bond that strong with a horse would be hard, maybe impossible, to get ever again. But I met Coruba. A young red boy who I was privileged enough too learn from Trevor how to start with a young and very green horse. His eyes.. Yes, I fell in love very quickly.

Leaving NZ after being back at my new home was yet again, very very hard.. The dream.. Being around Arabian horses, being around the mountains, galopping on the beach. How do you come back from that? I struggled. Loving both homes..

Then my Librame doubt kicked in in Holland. My savings started to build up, decision time. Back to NZhome.. Or buying my own horse?

I dont have to explain the awnser. And now more than ever I know it was the only decision I could have taken. The first month back I felt torn. Leaving HollandHome, when I am in NZhome i miss HollandHome and vice versa. But after setteling in again I knew it was the right place, being with the right people, riding pretty Coruba..

Combining those 2 homes, my parents who came to visit in January, gave an amazing contrast. Yes it actually quite scary to introduce both of the homes to eachother. But gees.. Those 3 weeks where just frigging amazing!! (I hopefully come back to that in another blog ;))

But then... How do you know you are on the right path for you? A littlehorseygirl loving a prettypony.. But being afraid to say goodbye, a maybe forever goodbye, again soon.. And the next day suddenly.... I am an owner of an Arabian purebred horse. The bestponyinthewholewideworld. CD Coruba.

3 months after this has happend I still cant believe it fully. And damn.. Coruba and I made the most out of it so far!
We fullon galloped on the beach, I galloped on my arabian horse in NZ ;) we rode in a valley surrounded by mountains.. a lotr location. For the first time in my live I can awnser yes to the question if I have my own horse. And it is still too crazy to realize. A horse i've worked with so much.. I got to know a well. I would have laughed so loud a few years ago if anyone would have told me that this was going to happen. But it did! :D

The hard moment in january was saying goodbye to my parents. Being torn again between 2 homes. The harshness of reality kicked in. Or the moment of leaving NZ again in march. Knowing that the fysical home will be sold when I come back.
Living the dream, it always has a price.

What I am doing now? Well... Mylittleponydreams continue. I am working as an endurance rider for a stable in Queensland Australia. I've just competed in my first endurance competitons and I ride on a normal workday on average about 4,5 hours a day on part bred arabian horses.
I just completed my 2nd 40 and next time I will do an 80 km ride probably here in Australia. Yes, i almost forget most days about the spiders, snakes and all the other things that want to attack me. Even now that I've seen a redbellyblack snake and having a huge Huntsman in the showers.. Its good. A great team, amazing horses and yet again soo much I can learn. My work is riding horses for endurance, pretty good eh?

I miss my homes. I miss both places a lot. I miss my families, the animals, my friends and the familiarity of the landscape/sounds/smells. And I am still learning how to accept that this will always be a struggle to be away from either one of them.
But this is where I am now. I still don't believe it fully. I have a horse in NZ and I can't wait to start competing with him. But right now, I have the best job.

The price of dreams coming true. I'll always miss something. But I am grateful to pay them. And all the moves I made, the people I love who helped me accomplish this.. It all led me to here. I feel lucky. Very very privileged and lucky.

Littleponygirldreams do come true.